


Invisible Bonds

by Cecilia_Dreamurr



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Depression, Female Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicidal Thoughts, Implied/referenced thoughts of self-harm, Langst, Panic Attacks, possible triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-12
Updated: 2017-10-12
Packaged: 2019-01-16 14:45:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12344751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cecilia_Dreamurr/pseuds/Cecilia_Dreamurr
Summary: Alone and forgotten, trying to make the pain stop. Yet how could he when he couldn't even touch something, let alone try anything.He was still there right?Right?Inspired by MuseofWriting's In the Darkness between the Stars





	Invisible Bonds

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MuseofWriting](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MuseofWriting/gifts).
  * Inspired by [In the Darkness between the Stars](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10483929) by [MuseofWriting](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MuseofWriting/pseuds/MuseofWriting). 



> Hey guys! It’s been a very very very long time since I’ve written something so bare with me. This time it’s Voltron! This was inspired by “In the Darkness between the Stars” by MuseofWriting, and she is absolutely amazing for allowing me to write a happy ending version to her story. I tried to make it my own story in a way, but a lot of the major elements are the same. You should totally go read her story before this one. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy! (Grab some tissues.)
> 
> PLEASE READ THE TAGS BEFORE READING! POSSIBLE TRIGGER WARNINGS!
> 
> Note, this was written before season 3 came out.

Lance was sneaking around the Galra base, trying to find any more prisoners that hadn’t been rescued by the other paladins yet. He’d duck behind walls when he heard footsteps and shouting, heading in the direction where Pidge was. Hopefully, she’d be ok, she must have sprung her distraction already.

Suddenly a door opened further down the hall and a Galra commander walked out, shouting orders. Lance waited for him to disappear before darting towards the door, trying to figure out how to open it. He saw a keypad next to it and practically groaned. He looked over the buttons, trying to figure out how dangerous it would be to simply smash the panel when the door opened again. Lance froze and made eye contact with the weird space alien, who seemed just as surprised as him. When the Galra was about to yell, Lance covered his mouth and knocked him unconscious, dragging him inside the room.

 _‘Problem one solved,’_ Lance thought to himself while he glanced around the room. He pulled on his helmet and activated the com, allowing him to contact the others.

“Guys I think I found something,” Lance started, pausing when he heard fighting from the other paladin’s end.

“What is it, Lance?” Shiro grunted, breathing a little heavily.

“I could use some backup over here!” Pidge cut in, voice pitched a little high.

“I’ve got my own hands full,” Keith growled before a second grunt was heard, probably from his enemy.

“I’m on my way Pidge!” Hunk called.

“Shiro, I found this weird room where a Galra Commander came out. It seems to have some sort of big control panel. It might have some important information on it,” Lance continued when they had stopped yelling at one another. When no one answered he called out hesitantly, “Guys?”

“Sorry Lance, just see what you can do and get back to Blue,” Shiro ordered and cut off from his mic. Lance nodded to himself before looking around the room, trying to turn something on.

“What’s this? A paladin snooping around where he doesn’t belong?” A voice hissed behind him, causing Lance to jump and turn around. In the doorway was the druid witch, Hag something or other, flanked by two other Galra. Lance could hear his own heartbeat in his ears from panic. She pointed a claw at him and hissed, “Get him.”

The two Galra rushed forward and Lance ducked, kicking out a foot to knock one over. He sprung up and ran around the panel to avoid hand to hand combat. He wasn’t horrible, but his skills would always lie in sharpshooting. Lance pulled out his Bayard, transforming it into a gun just in time to shoot the oncoming enemy at point blank range. He went down, obviously dead, and his partner hesitated.

Lance hated taking lives and used the hesitation to his advantage. He shot the Galra in the knee, causing them to fall on all fours. Lance rushed forward, knocking the alien unconscious by hitting them in the back of the head with his elbow. He turned to the last enemy, who had been watching him beneath her hood. He pulled his Bayard up to take aim at her when she shot out a hand, causing him to duck. Instead of the usual hand to hand that he was used to, she fired out an arc of magic and he screamed as it hit him. Lightning raced up and down his being, electrifying all of the nerves in his body. Fireworks lit up his vision, and he felt himself fall onto his knees. When it finally abated, he did his best to catch his breath knowing the druid was still in the room.

He glanced up to see her smiling eerily, chills racing up and down his spine at the sight. He pushed himself to his feet, still a little unsteady and dizzy from the pain. Putting on a fake bravado, he smirked, “And that did what? Cause me a little pain? Try again, sweetheart.”

She simply chuckled, freezing him in place, “You shall see soon enough Blue Paladin.” With that, she vanished from the room. Lance was confused but he wasn’t about to look a gift horse in the mouth. He turned back to the panel, inspecting it once more for information. Finding no obvious switch, he turned the coms back on.

“Sorry guys, I couldn’t access the panel for any information,” Lance told the others through the com. He felt upset over not getting any information for them.

“Shiro, Allura! Pidge and I located the Blue Lion!” Hunk yelled, confusing Lance.

“What? Hunk, what are you talking about? Blue’s fine,” Lance reached out to his bond with her, getting a worried nudge in return. Lance frowned, trying to figure out what was wrong.

“I’m on my way!” Allura called, and the others cheered.

“Guys? Did you hear me?” Lance called hesitantly. No one responded, and Lance’s nervousness grew.

“We’ll finally be able to take the Galra head on!” Keith exclaimed.

“What do you mean take them head on?” Lance echoed. He had to get to Blue. He ignored the others as they talked, reaching Blue at the same time Allura did.

“Allura what’s going on, why is everyone freaking out over Blue?” Lance asked her as she approached. She ignored him, hurt striking through but Lance refused to let it hit home. “You guys are just messing with me, right? This is just some revenge or prank. Right?” His voice cracked on the last word, giving way to hysteria.

“I found Blue!” Allura said, speaking into a mic on her uniform.

“Wha… If you guys want me off the team, you can just tell me instead of ignoring me. Allura? Hellooo, anyone home?” He waved his hand in front of her face and glanced up at Blue. She lowered her head but hadn’t taken her particle barrier down yet.

Allura moved out of the corner of Lance’s eye and he turned back to her, only to receive a similar shock from Haggar’s blast. Allura had passed right through him like he was a ghost. Something was definitely wrong.  He refused to cry out this time as red-hot pain bloomed behind his eyes. He could hear Allura faintly, calling out to Blue and ordering her to lower the barrier. Blue nudged at his mind, a whine emitting from her physical form. Lance waved his hand at her, prompting her to calm down. When he was finally on his feet again, Blue lowered her barrier.

“She let me in!” Allura called, causing Lance to look at her in surprise, face twisting with hurt. Allura raced into her cockpit but Blue let him board before lifting her head. Lance stayed quiet as Allura sat in the paladin seat, _his_ seat, and gripped the controls. Blue didn’t listen to Allura at first, to Lance’s relief, checking with him first. Lance nodded to her and she allowed Allura to pilot her.

“I’ve got Blue, let’s head out,” Allura ordered and the other paladins popped up on the screen. They were all smiling and celebrating but Lance tuned them out. At first, he thought the magic blast from Haggar actually killed him, but Blue still responded to him so he couldn’t be. He was also able to walk and feel Blue, unlike the floating or fast movements he’d seen in movies. Maybe he was simply invisible? But that didn't explain why everyone seemed to have forgotten him, thinking they'd never had Blue until now.

Lance watched Allura pilot Blue and felt immense envy. She was good like she was meant to pilot Blue. At that thought, Blue's whole body shook earning a surprised shout from Allura. Anger flooded Lance's bond, a resounding _no_ ringing through his head.

“Something wrong with Blue?” Shiro asked, concern lacing his voice. Lance couldn't stop his mind from thinking that Shiro had never sounded so concerned for him, shaking his head violently to rid himself of the thought. Shiro cared about the whole team!

“No, although I'm not sure what caused her to react,” Allura commented.

“It was me,” Lance whispered, voice slightly broken. No one could hear him or see him except Blue, and no one even _remembered_ him. They would have left him there unless Blue hadn't stayed for him. On an enemy base! And they wouldn't have cared.

When they get back to the castle, Lance does a few experiments. He could touch things, grab them and feel them, but he couldn't lift anything. He couldn't lift a fork to eat, couldn't take a scoop of food, couldn't fill a simple glass of water. At least he wasn't hungry. Yet.

He couldn't walk through the walls or doors either, only going through when someone else went in and became trapped when someone closed the doors in an area. He couldn't practice in the training hall when he grew bored since he couldn't activate anything. He could sit on the furniture, but that was about it. He could also still be hurt, either by punching the wall to bruise his fist or stubbing his toe on tech that Pidge left out.

The first day wasn't that bad, getting to learn his boundaries. Although he felt caged in, he took comfort in his bond with Blue. At night, they closed off the hanger to the Lions which meant that Lance couldn't get to Blue. He'd wandered the halls in the darkness, occasionally tripping over something he couldn't see. He would hear Blue crying throughout the castle, roaring for the others to let her see her paladin. Allura had come running, asking her what was wrong. Blue had calmed down after that since Allura opening the door had allowed Lance to come in. He spent all night sitting on her paw and leaning against her leg. He ran his hands over her metallic surface, finding comfort in the one being that still knew he was there. He would tell her stories of Earth to pass the time. Sometimes he would cry and scream about his situation. When his eyes were dry and throat raw, he'd sit in silence and find comfort in her quietude.

During the day, Lance watched the team interact. Pidge’s health suffered a little since Lance wasn't hovering to make sure she ate and slept. Her work would slow until she finally took her own initiative. Lance grew angry with the other paladins for not watching over their youngest member, but that could be his brotherly genes as well. Hunk would bounce ideas off of Pidge when she went to the kitchen for some food. Lance was surprised at the amount of time that Hunk spent in the kitchen, but took pride in Hunk’s love for cooking when he saw how happy it made him. Keith seemed to grow slightly snappy since he didn't have Lance to argue with. Lance felt a sort of twisted glee to know that he cooled the red paladin down, even if it meant serving as a verbal punching bag. Shiro rarely spent time with the team surprisingly, often working on his bond with Black. Lance would sometimes watch him with narrowed eyes, wondering where his leader and father figure was that had never left the team alone before his disappearance. Allura would sometimes join Shiro and work with Blue instead. She often grew frustrated when she received no response from “her” lion, and would often storm out. Lance would simply grin at Blue for her loyalty, feeling sympathy for the princess. When he was truly bored, he'd follow Coran around the castle. He would either be whistling a foreign tune or be telling a story as if the castle was listening.

At night, Blue would cry and scream until Allura came running. Sometimes Blue would let him simply watch over the team when he wanted to be left alone. He tried whispering to them in their sleep, tried to leave messages where they would see, tried to move things around to get their attention just to see if he could. He couldn't. Nothing ever worked.

Missions were hard for Lance to watch, seeing the team get along so well despite Blue’s behavior. She would never leave the hanger until Lance was in her cockpit, and he found solace in that. When they wanted to form Voltron, she'd always check with Lance for his affirmative. They never had any problems, but that might be because Lance remembered how to form Voltron. When they were in the castle, Lance would crack jokes or make remarks, but slowly stopped when it got him no reaction.

What happened at the beginning of the second week nearly broke Lance. The paladins didn't answer Blue's cries. The other Lions weren't acting up, so they didn't think there was any danger. Lance joined her, crying from the other side of the door. He had been deprived of the one comfort that had kept him sane at night.

Lance also saw the paladins become withdrawn from one another. Without him pushing them to interact, have fun, and _relax_ , they never did. He also found out a lot about them personally. He discovered that Shiro suffered from severe panic attacks and nightmares, waking up early in a sweat and blowing it off by pushing himself too far _, too far, too far,_ in the training room. Pidge missed her family deeply, and spent the nights looking for them, even if it meant no sleep. Coran, Lance noticed, seemed almost depressed and separated. No one indulged him in his stories, teasing him in place of Lance. When he discovered this, Lance spent his days more often than not with the big teddy bear. Hunk didn't experiment with cooking, simply serving what everyone found acceptable. There was something off, but Lance couldn't figure out what. And Keith.

 _Oh, Keith_.

The only one he ever seemed to talk to nowadays was Shiro. He heard Keith talking to himself at night, sometimes even crying, about his heritage and how ashamed he was. When he was alone, Lance would break his silent rule to just fill the emptiness in the room. Even if Keith couldn't hear him. Anything to drown out the feeling of tears rolling down his cheeks.

By the end of the second week of his invisibility, Lance had stopped talking altogether. After many failed attempts at trying to jog the team's memory, he felt no need to. He observed them quietly during the day, usually from the corner or edge of a couch. They would talk and joke, but never for long. They didn't _take care_ ofeach other, not like a _family_ should. And that's what they were right? What they were _supposed_ to be. A family.

Right?

He couldn't get to Blue at night and she had stopped crying out for him, knowing it never did any good. They'd talk through the bond, as much as a celestial being could anyway. Because of this, Lance spent his nights roaming the halls in the dark. He often got hurt by tripping over something, much to his embarrassment. Lance became lost in thought, which proved to be dangerous.

_‘They don’t want you.’_

_‘Useless.’_

_‘You aren’t needed.’_

_‘Get lost.’_

_‘You don’t have a thing.’_

_‘Die, die, die.’_

Blue would send comfort and warmth that hid anxiety and fear for her paladin through the bond as Lance fell apart in the middle of the hall with no one around to hear him, but it didn’t help. He couldn’t hear her, his mind too scrambled. His breathing would quicken, becoming strangled as the words repeated themselves in his head. _They don’t want you, useless, unneeded, get lost, go die, dontwantyou, donthaveathing, uselessunneeded, diediedie._ He couldn’t breathe, body too hot and mind too far gone. His arms were numb, he couldn’t feel his legs, collapsing to the ground and clawing at the floor as his vision blurred. He cried out, but no one answered. No one answered, no one was there, _no one wanted him_. He was alone.

He would pound his fist, throwing the only things he could still touch: his Bayard and helmet. The cracks and thuds satisfied his violent mind, taking the place of the blood it wanted. Replaced the dark thoughts of what he _wished_ he could do _, oh how he wished, no matter how wrong it was, no matter how much his parents would despair, no matter how much his siblings would cry_. _No one here would care_. But nothing moved, so he was trapped inside his own mind.

When he realized he could practice his stealth to drown out his thoughts, he was able to find stable ground once more. ‘ _If you counted broken, sliding glass as stable ground_ ,’ He thought darkly. Soon enough, he couldn't hear his own footsteps. He wasn't sure how to feel about that. It made it obvious that he might not truly be there anymore.

He _was_ still there, right?

By the third week, he barely left his room. He couldn’t move anything, simply stuck to glaring at the items in his room. He'd found out long ago that he wouldn't grow hungry and that he couldn't sleep. The others didn't seem to even know his room was there. He was simply glad he had left the door open before leaving for the horrible mission that had started all of this. He didn't know if he could have stayed sane without the comfort of his room to soothe him when Blue couldn't.

He stopped going on missions with the team, not wanting to see how well they got along despite not interacting. Blue put up a fight at first before listening to Lance's sole order to 'keep them safe.’ Allura seemed relieved that Blue was finally listening to her without some kind of wall in the way. Without Lance being in the way.

On the one month mark, Lance had a complete breakdown. But that was because it was a special date.

Lance had been in the control room with the team standing by Coran when he saw the date on the digital clock of Pidge’s phone. July 28.

Lance had fled the room and fought his way to Blue. He slipped down the hanger, manually walking to her cockpit since he couldn't use the zip line. He had sat down in his chair and cried. Blue lowered her head down to the ground, listening to her paladin cry but being helpless to do anything. He'd screamed and yelled, for his teammates, his friends, his family, his _home_. _He wanted to go home._

Lance walked out of Blues cockpit to the hanger with the other Lions and openly raged. He punched the wall, kicked at the floor, throwing his helmet across the room. He'd screamed before curling up into a ball in the center of the Lions. He could hear movement and felt their metal after a few minutes. Lance spent hours talking about Earth. He told them of his Grandma’s cooking and how it was the best even compared with Hunk, about his strict yet loving Grandpa. His worrying Mother and hard working Father. His beloved brothers and sisters. The way his Mother always knew what to say, how she'd take care of him when he was sick. How he was the youngest child, but he was ok with that because he was the best uncle. He had older siblings to look up to and to take care of him and help him. He had younger nephews and nieces to watch over and take care of, how Pidge often reminded him of them. He misses his sister in law, feels guilty about missing the birth of his new nephew. How he'll miss his family growing up without him. How his Grandma and Grandpa might pass away without him there to say goodbye. How he  _n_ _ever got to say goodbye_.

When the paladins came to get their Lions, they were surprised and confused at the cuddle pile. They couldn't see the lone Blue Paladin in the center, nor could they hear his broken tune.

“Happy birthday to me.”

* * *

 

Lance grew closer with all of the Lions after that, much to his surprise. He hadn't thought it possible. He would tell them about their paladins, their strengths, and weaknesses. He would tell them about the little history that he knew, and how to comfort them when they were down. He encouraged them to strengthen their bonds because that was all that kept them going at times. The Lions would simply sit and listen.

Blue would talk with him sometimes, while Black took him places in his mind. Yellow would purr and provide comfort, painfully reminding Lance of Hunk. Green would mostly keep quiet but sometimes a bit of snark could be felt through the bonds. Red always seemed to tease him. They told him it made sense for a bond between one paladin and the other Lions, how when they formed Voltron they must be one. How he must feel a bond with the other paladin's, thus having a bond with their Lions as well. Before any further conversation could happen, the others always showed up for a mission and Lance was left by himself once more.

After two more weeks, Lance stopped crying. Scarily enough, he sometimes stopped feeling. It was second nature being in this state, and he didn't think anything of it. The human mind left by itself was a scary thing, and Lance had always avoided being alone with his thoughts. He hated silence, had grown up in a house where it was non-existent. He had filled the castle with his talk and laughter, even if it annoyed the others. He hated silence, but he couldn't do anything about it this time. Not without being reminded that he was alone.

His stealth was perfect, and he was content to watch the others at a distance. He'd watch from the corner of the room, an open doorway of a small area they were congregated in, the furthest chair in a sitting area. He watched them train and mimicked their movements, studying them and their fighting styles. He melded his own with theirs, never leaving their backs open. He was content.

At least, that's what he told himself.

After two whole months had gone by, Lance was ready to give up. He felt no emotions which often earned him a worried nudge from Blue. He had accepted that he would never see Earth again, would never interact with other beings again. He accepted that the planets he would see would be the ones from the castle windows, still thousands of miles away from the surface. He accepted that he may never be the Guardian of Water ever again, may never swim in the stars. He accepted his fate, but he wasn't happy.

It was because of this that he wasn't prepared for the fight. He had been wandering the castle when he heard yelling from the direction of what Lance dubbed the lounge where they sometimes went to simply relax and talk. Everyone was yelling at one another, even Hunk and Coran. Keith was being held back by Shiro while Allura was snapping at them both. Hunk had smashed the table while Coran was red with anger and had a deep scowl on his face. Pidge was screaming insult after insult, and Lance could only watch them all fall apart even though it was his job to hold them together. His job to keep them sane, _to be a team._

Pidge finally screamed, “ _Shut up! Shut up, shut up, shut up!”_ The room went quiet and no one dared to even move. “You only think of your fucking selves! All of you! You and your damn hero complexes! You can't take 10 _fucking_ seconds of your _goddamn day_ to even say hello to one another! You're so busy trying to defend the universe that, _god forbid_ , you try to help each other!”

“And what about you, little miss hypocrite? You hide away from the rest of us with your space tech and refuse to talk to us! You're so worried about finding your family that you never work with us!” Keith snapped right back, earning a low whistle from Lance. Pidge seemed to have frozen, before suddenly violently shaking.

“That was going too far, Keith,” Shiro reprimanded, a warning in his tone.

“The same could be said about you Shiro, all you do is spend time with Black all day and leave the rest of us behind! What happened to the leader we had two months ago?” Hunk accused, drawing wide-eyed looks.

“I'm just trying to get better at controlling my lion and forming Voltron! What are you doing spending all day in the kitchen?” Shiro asked, disbelief coloring his voice.

“All of you be quiet! Can you even hear yourselves? You should be focused on being a team!” Allura shouted.

“We're not a fucking team! We're a bunch of strangers, more than half of us are teenagers, and we didn't even know each other until we ended up in space! Space! Where very few humans have even made it past certain planets, and yet we're halfway across the Galaxy from our homes! So don't talk to me about being a team, Princess!” Pidge all but screamed. Lance was surprised, he had never seen Pidge so upset before. Granted, he had never seen any of them this upset before but Pidge was handling it the worst.

“We obviously need more team bonding,” Coran muttered. “How have you all managed to get along until now?” He asked aloud. All heads snapped towards him, some scowling while others were thoughtful.

“He's right, this is our first fight. It shouldn't be logical that we've gotten along so well before,” Shiro muttered.

“ _That's_ the part you chose to focus on? Are you _kidding_ me?” Pidge growled.

“Wait, Pidge, let's see where this goes,” Allura ordered, earning a scowl.

“Maybe it was the team exercises,” Keith pointed out.

Hunk shook his head, “We've been doing those since we first found Allura and Coran so something else has changed. Something within the last two months.”

“Maybe it's Allura’s yelling from the observation deck to get our asses in gear during training,” Pidge muttered. Everyone seemed to freeze before turning to Pidge.

“But Allura has always trained with us,” Keith asked confused.

“No, I remember her waking the five of us at random times early in the morning for team building,” Shiro denied.

“Five? There were only four paladins if Allura was in the observation deck,” Coran said.

Pidge shook her head in denial, “No I specifically remember a fifth person who always covered our back.”

Keith paled horribly and made a strangled noise, drawing concerned looks from everyone.

“Keith? You doing ok buddy?” Hunk asked, concern coloring his voice.

“... Lance. Lance was the fifth paladin,” Keith gasped out. Lance froze, eyes widening. He dared not feel hope and grunted as the faintly familiar lightning pain raced over him for the third time in two months. He fell backward onto the floor, making a loud thump when he landed. Everyone looked over in surprise and he was blown away once more.

_They were looking at him._

“Oh my god, Lance!”

“Lance are you ok?”

“Where have you been?”

“Did we seriously forget about Lance for _two whole months_?”

“Lance!”

“Lance, we're so sorry!”

None of them touched him, and he was thankful for it. He continued to stare at them in silence, not meeting their eyes. He reached out for the closest person, Coran his mind distantly told him, before touching his leg. Coran bent down, trying to look into Lance's eyes and was frozen in place by what he saw. Lance's gaze was unfocused, but tears slowly welled up in his eyes. He could feel the fabric of Coran’s pants, his hand could move the fabric! He tightened his grip and lowered his head. The air around him shifted, alerting him that the others had moved.

“Lance?” Hunk called hesitantly before receiving a harsh shake of the head from Coran.

Lance began to shake uncontrollably at hearing his name, _his name, they finally said my name, they can see me, they called my name,_ and felt the onslaught of tears. He thought he wouldn't be able to talk to them again, no one would see him or hear him or talk to him ever again, he had given up and the universe had thrown another 'screw you’ at him.

For the first time since his birthday, he wailed. It was broken and harsh, grating on the ears from lack of use, and the others tensed at hearing it. Lance had been broken. He continued to cry and sob, shaking uncontrollably, body wracked with spasms from his harsh breathing. For the first time in a month, Lance allowed himself to feel emotion.

No one dared to touch the broken boy they saw before them, had never seen Lance fall so far. Coran was able to wrap his arms around the boy, pulling him into a hug and Lance could only cry harder.

* * *

Lance knew he freaked everyone out, but he didn’t mean to. It wasn’t his fault that he was used to no sleep and thus was up all hours of the night, only getting a minimum of three hours every night. He didn’t mean to freak everyone out when he popped up from the shadows, footsteps silent in the dark corridors. He always left his door open but never turned on his lights, navigating just fine in the pitch black. He was always with Blue at night now, usually waking up from his sleep in her cockpit rather than his bed. He confessed to Blue and the other Lions about how the others were treating him, like one small thing would break him once more, how much it hurt because it might be true, how much it nearly _broke_ him again. The Lions were always sympathetic, pushing just the barest of comfort into the small bond at the back of his mind. It kept him sane, reassured him that he wasn’t made of glass like the others were convinced he was.

He confessed to the Lions about how he felt about the others.

Lance knew how much he scared Coran, but he couldn’t help it. When Coran would hum, he would join in like always, forgetting that the helmsman could hear him now. Lance saw him jump, saw the chills that raced up his back and Coran would whip around in surprise. He saw how the engineer would pause at finding the other half of the room clean, even if he hadn’t gotten to it yet. He’d look around the room, eyes scanning over Lance’s form in the dark, and Lance was helpless to stop the pained, horrified thought that he was invisible once more. Then Coran’s eyes would jump back to him, widening in surprise, and Lance would calm down a little. He saw how still Coran became when he chuckled at a part in a story the Advisor had told aloud, not knowing he was there. How the medical officer would stare into his eyes, looking for something and seeming relieved to never find it. He never questioned him, which Lance was thankful for. It wasn’t until he heard Coran speaking aloud about not wanting the others to see Lance’s eyes when they first remembered, how Lance reminded him of a recovering soldier after a war, that he finally understood what Coran was looking for.

Lance didn’t mean to scare Coran, but he knew that he did.

Lance knew that Shiro was terrified of him and the knowledge he held. He had been watching the man train, pushing himself _too far, too far, you’re going too far you reckless idiot_. It was the third morning in a row that Shiro had pushed himself past his previous highest level of 15 to 25. How he would stumble and get hurt the further he continued on, and Lance decided he would do something about it. When the simulation hit level 12 completion, it would turn off. After all, level twelve was when Shiro began to lose himself in the past and completely forget the present. He forgot that he was safe behind protected walls, safe in comforting arms.

Shiro would curse, stomping around the training deck to find the problem, yelling at the computer to restart the simulation. He would freeze when he spotted Lance, a cornered animal shining through his eyes at his best of times. How he would shake whenever Lance lay a blanket over his shoulders, looking at him with fear that Lance’s respect for him was gone. Lance saw how Shiro looked at him in horror, knowing Lance knew everything about his trauma, knew Lance heard him cry out for Matt and Dr. Holt. Lance would simply look at him with sympathy, urging Shiro to know that he was safe behind protected walls, safe in comforting arms. He urged Shiro to recognize that he was still Lance’s leader, still his guardian, but also his friend. He never did.

Lance didn’t mean to terrify Shiro, but he knew that he did.

Lance knew that Pidge was uneasy with him, not knowing where they stood. He could feel her constantly looking at him, almost like she was constantly poking him. He saw the way she would jump when he would appear behind her while she was tinkering with a new machine. The way she would freeze with an “I’m caught” look on her face when he caught her staring at him when he was at one of his low points. He saw the fear in her eyes when he walked into her room with a blanket and some tea after a nightmare, eyes roaming over his body looking for something. He heard her curses when she couldn’t find her family and her angry screams when she couldn’t find the tech. The way she scowled when Lance secretly hid it, hoping she would finally eat or sleep. He saw the way she always ran when he approached so he stopped, making her stare more. He noticed how she watched his every move, not sure what to make of him.

Lance didn’t mean to make Pidge uneasy, but he knew that he did.

Lance knew Allura doubted him, wondering when he would break. The glances she sent him when she thought he wasn’t looking in the Bridge. The way her voice was laced with wary concern when she occasionally spoke to him, her hesitance with every movement. It hurt, knowing Allura might not trust him fully. He tried to revert to flirting, but the innuendos fell flat and his voice would hollow out. She and everyone else would grow more concerned, treating him like some baby. He noticed how Allura would always call roll with his name first during training, fearing that one day he wouldn’t answer. He saw the way she would tilt her head and eyes widen with disbelief when he turned down one of his favorite activities. How her doubting him made him doubt her in return, not knowing when he would lose all of her trust over something simple.

Lance didn’t want Allura to doubt him, but he knew that she did.

Lance could have sworn Keith hated him, breaking his heart a little more. Lance saw the self-disgust in his eyes about his family background, the horror when he realized Lance _knew_ . Whenever he entered a room Keith was in, Keith would leave. He saw how Keith would glare at every self-deprecating comment he made, eyes hardening every time Lance came out from the bathroom with a razor and towel in hand to take back to his bedroom. Lance watched the group when they ate, claiming that he wasn’t hungry. They were more open and talkative without him around, not scared about saying the wrong thing. He felt Keith flinch away from him when he got too close or brushed up against him and it _hurt_. He didn’t know what to do anymore when it came to Keith, so he simply ignored him.

Lance didn’t want Keith to hate him, but he believed deep down that he did.

Lance wondered if the person who feared him the most was Hunk. He would watch Hunk work in the kitchen or read an engineering book in the lounge. Hunk always seemed more stiff with Lance around, constantly drawing away during mood swings. He wasn’t blind to the looks he received from his friend either. He didn’t miss the taut muscles, straining against an unseen weight when Lance spoke. He wasn’t deaf to the mumbles that filled the lounge when Lance hid from Hunk’s senses. He felt Hunk step away from him the closer he got, hoping to seek out the last human contact he thought was available. When Hunk pulled back, Lance felt his will crumble and him along with it, a wall rising up in its place. He was truly trapped in this state, even if everyone remembered him now.

Lance didn’t want Hunk to fear him, but it seemed that he did.

After a whole month of this treatment, Lance cracked.

“Hunk _please_ ,” Lance reached out to him, his voice strangled by his emotions. He saw Hunk stop mid-step, slowly turning around. His entire body was dripping with trepidation, his eyes a cloud of fear. Lance pulled back his hand, lowering it to grip at the floor where he’d fallen to his knees. He curled into a ball, hiding his face, and sobbed. He didn't want to feel this pain anymore, but there would be people to stop him now. He heard footsteps move, wondering if Hunk was going to simply leave him like everyone else had.

He was surprised by the two huge arms that encircled him, pulling him into a warm body for the first time since he reappeared.

“Lance, I’m _so, so sorry,_ ” Hunk sobbed, squeezing him tighter. “I didn’t know what to do, I didn’t know how to react. I didn’t want to _break_ you, you seemed to be walking on glass all the time.”

“And you thought leaving me alone and pulling away was _better?_ ” Lance cried hysterically, voice raising from the low murmur he usually talked with.

“I didn’t mean to Lance, I wasn’t even aware I was doing that!” Hunk sniffled, pulling back and holding Lance’s face with one of his hands while the other rubbed soothing circles onto his back. “I was too busy trying to figure out your mental state that I didn’t listen to _you_. We’re so far from Earth, so far from people who know how to help with this... Please tell me how to make this situation better, I don’t want to hurt you.” Lance paused, searching his eyes for any trick and found none.

“Just-” A sob tore through his throat, “Just let me stay like this a little longer.” He was so _tired_.

Hunk nodded, “Of course man.” The two of them stayed like that for a while, Lance could’ve sworn hours passed by. Hunk never pulled back, letting Lance make the first move.

“Could you try to make Fricasé de Pollo?” Lance asked quietly, his hand tightening on Hunk’s shirt.

“Definitely, anything for you dude,” Hunk replied enthusiastically. “And I’m sorry I haven’t been a good friend lately.”

Lance pulled away and wiped his arms over his face, “It’s ok, I think I get it.” He didn't, but baby steps. Hunk stood up, pulling Lance onto his feet. Lance followed him to the kitchen, staying silent and keeping his steps light. Hunk often turned around to make sure he was there, smiling awkwardly when they made eye contact.

When they arrived, the kitchen was clean and spotless. Lance took a seat on one of the stools and simply watched Hunk. He pulled out different cooking equipment, including several knives.

“Do you want it in the traditional stew in a bowl, or off a plate?” Hunk asked him suddenly, breaking Lance from his eerie thoughts.

“Traditional,” Lance hummed softly.

“Hunk! Check this out!” Pidge came running into the kitchen, freezing at the sight before her. Lance drew back within himself, suddenly questioning his being there with Hunk. The uneasiness in her eyes was back, but she simply grinned.

“Lance! Since Hunk is busy, would you look at this for me?” Pidge slowly walked over to him, holding up some weird contraption she’d most likely built. She oddly reminded him of his youngest nephew, grin wide and eyes shining, wanting Lance to see something he’d drawn. He took it hesitantly, inspecting it suspiciously. Pidge took a deep breath and pressed a button on the bottom of the cube, causing it to transform.

The sound of the ocean was the first thing he heard, a small blue lion the first thing he saw, salt the first thing he tasted, and a bundle of crying Pidge the first thing he felt.

“You made this for _me?_ ” Lance asked in disbelief, causing Pidge to nod into his shirt.

“I didn’t know how to approach you or how to say sorry for withdrawing so I just did what I do best,” Came her muffled response. Lance softly smiled down at the bundle in his arms, ruffling her hair as she stepped away.

“Thank you Pidge,” He meant it.

“Now dinner _has_ to be perfect,” Hunk seemed to scowl, causing Lance to laugh quietly. Pidge frowned for a second before stopping herself, but Lance still caught it.

“What’s wrong Pidge?”

“I miss your laugh,” She admitted, stopping all motion in the kitchen.

“I’m working on it kiddo,” Lance told her calmly, not wanting her to know that he truly wasn't. She nodded hesitantly before waving.

“I have to go check on Green. I’ll be back for dinner, promise!” And just like that, she was gone.

“So what exactly did she make you?” Hunk asked from the counter where he was chopping the vegetables for the stew. Lance glanced down at the miniature Blue in his hands, the noise of crashing waves emitting from her that probably came from a sound box of sorts inside.

“A companion.”

* * *

 

Lance did his best to not freak Coran out when he came across him on his way to put Pidge’s gift in his room when Hunk told him to go wash up for dinner. Coran seemed surprised at seeing Lance but did his best to smile.

“Would you like to join me?” Lance asked hesitantly.

Coran studied him before nodding, “Of course Lance.” They walked in silence, Coran’s occasional whistle filling the castle hallways. Lance found himself humming along and felt Coran’s eyes on him. Immediately he stopped.

“Lance?”

“Yeah?”

“...Nevermind,” Coran replied, moving ahead of him.

“You were going to ask how I knew the tune, weren’t you,” Lance asked, causing Coran to stumble. Coran didn’t turn to see his expression and simply nodded. “When I was invisible-” Coran winced, “-I had a lot of time to simply observe the team. When I observed you, you became withdrawn from everyone. No one listened to your stories and you would whistle throughout the corridors. I don’t know if you did it subconsciously, or were used to speaking to the castle, but I listened. I listened, Coran.”

And he really did. Coran's stories let him know that he wasn't the only one feeling alone, wasn't the only one feeling homesick. It made Lance _feel_ something on occasion and reminded he wasn’t as alone as his mind made him think he was.

“You listened to my silly stories?” He asked in disbelief, turning around to study Lance’s face. Lance nodded, pulling back from Coran’s inquisitive stare. “Thank you.”

Lance was surprised at just how _sincere_ the words sounded and tensed at the hug, relaxing into the hold and hugging back. Coran reminded him of his Grandma, with her stories that none of the kids wanted to listen to. Lance had always indulged her, as outlandish as the stories were. He had his fair share to tell now as well.

“Oh and Coran?”

“Yes, my boy?”

“They aren't just silly stories.”

“...Thank you, Lance.”

Coran seemed happier to Lance after finding out that someone _liked_ to listen to the stories of his homeworld, filling the rest of the short journey with tales of Altea. He talked about their crazy weather, about his family and its long generation of serving the royals, about the old Altea before the Galra attacked them. Lance made sure to take several detours, making the walk longer. Coran didn’t notice or if he did, he didn’t say anything about it.

When they finally got to his room, Coran stayed in the doorway and observed his room. Lance looked around too. Everything was neatly arranged, a small layer of dust over several items. Lance hadn’t bothered to clean anything, hadn’t picked anything up either. It had been his safe place when he was invisible, and he didn’t want to dirty the innocent picture in his head with the thoughts that plagued his waking moments. His closet was a different story altogether though.

Clothes were barely gripping hangers and coat racks, covering the floor with their mess. His only pair of shoes were haphazardly thrown inside without a care. It was the only place he absolutely needed to touch every day, otherwise, his teammates would begin to worry why he never showered or changed clothes. They would begin to worry over his lack of self-care. He hadn’t had access to it either for his two months in prison, so he felt no attachment to keep it the same.

Coran whistled at the mess, “Quiznak.” Lance glanced towards the open closet door and promptly closed it. He didn’t look at Coran, didn’t want to know what he thought. He turned to his bed, placing mini-Blue on one of the ledges above the bed ends. Lance turned back to stare at Coran, a silence hanging over the two of them now.

Hunk came to the rescue with an excited shout over the castle’s mic, “Dinner’s ready!”

Lance glanced at Coran who moved out of the way to make room for Lance, doing a ‘go ahead’ gesture. So much for cleaning up.

The walk back was filled with the both of them humming, one louder than the other. Suddenly, Lance saw red out of the corner of his eye and turned to see. The red turned out to be Keith, exiting his room as well and they both froze upon seeing one another. Coran stopped when he realized Lance wasn’t beside him and saw the reason why. He glanced nervously between the two and Lance heard him sigh.

“I’ll be in the dining room,” And walked away to Lance’s disbelief. Lance looked towards Keith again and grew defensive when he looked over him _again._

“Would you quit looking at me like that,” Lance bit out. Keith’s head snapped up, surprise written clearly in his eyes.

“What?” Keith took a small step back, tilting his head a little and studying his face.

Lance felt his hackles rise in response and pointed an accusing finger at Keith’s chest, “I said to quit looking at me like that.” He was tired of feeling hated.

“Like what?” He asked, looking down at his arm.

“Like _that_. I know what you’re looking for and you’re not going to find them,” Lance turned around, not wanting to see Keith’s hateful gaze and baleful glare.

It was quiet and then, “I’m sorry.” Lance paused, sucking in a surprised breath, and chanced a glance over his shoulder. Keith looked guilty, one foot fidgeting while he scratched the back of his head. Lance could tell he was nervous.

“What?” Lance asked, mind blank and numb. He hadn’t expected that at all. Didn't Keith hate him?

“I’m sorry,” Keith repeated. “It’s just, I wasn’t sure how to approach you. I’ve never been one to deal with...” He trailed off but Lance knew what he meant _._ He also knew where Keith was coming from, never being socially adept at dealing with others. Keith was blushing and opened his mouth, probably to babble no doubt, but Lance raised his hand to silence him.

“Would you like to join me on the way to the kitchen?” Keith gave a relieved smile and nodded, stance relaxing as he stepped up beside Lance.

“Do you forgive me?” The question was quiet, uncharacteristic of the confident man beside him.

Lance nodded, “Yes.”

“Are we ok?”

Lance paused, “I don’t know yet.” Keith seemed disgruntled but nodded, squaring his shoulders.

“If you’d accept it, I’d like to help.” Lance nearly stumbled but caught himself.

“I thought you hated me?” It was a statement, but the way he spoke made it sound like a question.

“What? Are you nuts! Why in the Karthulian System would you think that? Of course not, you’re my teammate and a friend,” Keith’s eyebrows were drawn down in confusion, a startled look in his eyes.

“You would storm out of the room every time I entered and would never look me in the eyes,” Lance pointed out.

Keith was blushing again, “I uh…”

“Lance! Keith!” Pidge’s voice broke through the two’s conversation and they looked up in surprise. They’d arrived at the kitchen already and were greeted by Pidge, Hunk, and Coran waiting for them. “Hunk made a chicken stew for us out of different space foods! I call it space chicken stew!”

“It was _supposed_ to be Cuban styled, but her title is probably more accurate. Sorry Lance,” Hunk was grinning sheepishly.

“I still think nothing beats space goo,” Coran muttered but seemed to be eyeing the stew with an admiring gaze.

Lance gave a big faux grin, but it was enough for the others to smile back. He laid a hand on Keith’s shoulder and murmured, “I might take you up on that offer later.” Lance saw his eyes light up in response, and felt a small, sincere smile forming.

“Are we too late for dinner?” All heads whipped around to spot Allura and Shiro in the doorway.

“Hunk hasn’t dished it out yet, we’ve been waiting on Keith and Lance over there to sit down,” Pidge responded, raising her eyebrows playfully. Shiro and Allura looked over at the two in question and Lance felt small again. Shiro had grown rigid, the slight fear back in his eyes, while Allura was simply staring, seeming to scrutinize Lance. He wanted to run, to hide, to get away right now _, right now, leave right now._ His breathing grew shallow and his pulse sped up, legs and fingertips going numb. _'_ _I’m not ready,’_ Lance whined in his head. Sure he’d made up with Hunk, Pidge, Coran, and Keith but Shiro and Allura were different. They were his leaders. He was reaching his wits end with people for the day. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Hunk approach him.

“Abort mission?” Hunk, sweet beautiful Hunk, asked him with so much _understanding_ coursing through those two simple words. Lance knew Hunk wouldn’t let him go in alone, but he would understand if Lance didn’t want to face his fears yet, recognized just how _drained_ Lance still was.

But Lance refused to be treated like a glass doll anymore, no matter how many cracks and chips there were in his being. Even if he wasn’t ready, he needed to do this. Squaring his shoulders, he prepared for a very long night. The air grew heavier with tension, no one knowing what to say next.

“Good evening Lance,” Allura greeted, breaking the tense silence hanging over the kitchen.

“Evening Princess,” Lance returned hesitantly, scanning her face for that lingering doubt that always glared at him. He found a wisp of it, buried beneath the obvious concern and confusion. He felt his will fall slightly, before a hand touched his shoulder gently, rebuilding it stronger than it was before. Out of his peripheral vision, he saw a pale hand covered by fingerless gloves. “Can I join you for dinner?” Shiro and Allura seemed surprised he asked. It seems he was doing that a lot today.

“Of course,” Shiro was the one who replied, motioning to the empty seats beside Pidge. Lance nodded, moving slowly and taking the seat next to Pidge awkwardly. Hunk and Keith followed like silent guardians behind him, and Lance could laugh at the sudden shock on everyone’s face but he didn’t. He could only imagine the look Keith had sent everyone.

The kitchen was silent as Hunk served everyone Lance’s afternoon request. He felt himself sigh under his breath, not liking how tense everyone was. They were supposed to be laughing and having fun, but everything had changed since Lance disappeared.

“I may be different now, but I’m still here you know,” Lance hadn’t realized he’d said the words aloud until he heard Pidge suck in a harsh breath. “I’m not some piece of glass that you have to protect.”

“Lance what-” Shiro tried to speak but was stopped by Keith.

“I don’t know if you’re feeling guilty, or if you’re scared of me. Maybe you even hate me, I’m not sure, but I’m tired of feeling like an ignored table ornament. I might be a little hurt and cracked in a few places. I may not even be the Lance you know and love, the Lance you want. I might see you all at your worst, but that’s how people grow closer together. So why is me being at a low so bad?”

No one knew what to say, they were so shocked. Shiro had paled, emotions warring at one another across his face. Allura was blinking slowly, mouth opening and closing

“Lance we didn’t-” Allura tried to explain herself, not being able to find the right words.

“I thought you hated it when I was obnoxious and self-centered, flirting with anything that moved. Did I mean so little to you?” Lance felt Pidge squeeze his hand and Keith lay his hand on his knee beneath the table, closing up his throat as tears built up in his eyes. Hunk nudged the bottom of his foot while Coran sat silently, giving Lance a supportive look.

“Why would you think that?” Shiro whispered, tone careful.

“Maybe because I haven’t talked to you guys at all since you remembered I even existed?” Lance snapped back, the emotions he had bottled up rising toward the surface with record speed. “How you avoided me whenever I was near because you _probably_ felt guilty that I knew how much you’re secretly falling apart?” An accusing look towards Shiro. “Because it felt like you were waiting for me to fall apart?” Hurt coloring his voice as he looked towards Allura. Lance, to his horror, felt tears spilling over.

“Lance…” Coran was the one who spoke. He snapped his eyes over to the Altean, softening at the concern he saw.

“I’m sorry, but I just wish you wouldn’t treat me like a doll.”

“You shouldn’t be the one apologizing Lance, we’re the ones who haven’t stuck by you,” Shiro was the first to respond, surprising Lance. The lead paladin glanced around at the others but resolved himself to continue. “Especially me. I thought that I could handle my problems by myself and I didn’t want to bother the team. When I realized you knew, I felt guilty and pushed you away. I was scared, scared I’d lost your respect, scared I’d lost your loyalty, scared I’d lose _you_. But I realize now that by pushing you away, I was doing exactly that.” Everyone was silent through his confession and deep down, Lance felt something loosen and let go.

“I must apologize as well. I didn’t realize I was treating you like glass, as you call it. I haven’t treated you with the respect you deserved. I admit to worrying about you, wondering if something would snap.”

Lance felt himself grow defensive, “I…”

“Please let me continue,” Allura requested, causing Lance to fall silent. “I realize now that I shouldn’t have been waiting, but instead helping you. I forget how young you paladins are sometimes, and that you have emotions that I do not fully comprehend yet. But I would like to fix that if you’d let me.”

Lance felt lighter at their admissions somehow. He still felt the heavy darkness lurking but at the moment, it wasn’t rearing its head. For that, he was grateful.

“I would… like that very much,” Lance said quietly and everyone smiled.

“Now can we _please_ eat? Hunk did a perfect job with this meal,” Pidge groaned, ruining the moment. _‘Tactful, as always,’_ Lance thought.

“Thanks for the meal, Hunk,” Shiro smiled at the teenager.

“Lance requested it,” Hunk admitted.

“What’s it called?” Allura asked.

“Fricasé de Pollo,” Lance murmured, taking a tentative bite of the food. It was delicious.

“What does that mean?” Coran asked confused.

“Cuban style chicken stew,” Hunk and Lance responded at the same time.

“It’s delicious,” Keith all but hummed.

“Another masterpiece, as expected Hunk,” Pidge grinned conspiratorially.

“If you start another food fight so help me Pidge,” Shiro groaned.

“Sorry!” She didn’t sound it.

* * *

 

When they formed Voltron now, it was different. It was _better_.

_“Form Voltron!”_

_“Yeah!”_

Fear and worry often greeted the paladins of Voltron when they first formed. Fear that they would fail, worry that they couldn’t live up to their titles. But then it was soothed by understanding and comfort, letting them know they were _safe._

Everyone was getting along better, having a better idea of how everyone was faring. Pidge opened up about her secrets, Shiro let the team know about his worst feelings. Hunk told them about his dreams and wishes of Earth and family, Keith opened up to the team and his feelings about who he might be. And Lance told them of his experience of his solitary two months. They understood habits, how their minds worked, their behavior at a low point, and how to help and comfort one another. They were _one_.

Lance was nearly blown over by the rush of approval from Blue. She didn’t talk nearly as much as she used to, letting the other paladins do the job for her. On occasion, the other Lions talked to him as well. Lance still felt happy when his partner would try to make him feel better. The one who’d been with him through it all, even if he had forgotten at times.

And Lance _was_ doing better, they all were. He opened up more, was able to stop the worst of his thoughts and feelings. Sure they would always be there, but he also knew he wouldn’t be alone anymore. He was with his team, he was _safe_.

And he loved that.

**Author's Note:**

> Again, don't forget to read “In the Darkness between the Stars” by MuseofWriting! It's amazing and you'll cry, trust me. A little tidbit about Lance's room/closet:  
> My sister has had experience with depression and it was her idea to put that tidbit in there. Sometimes, a room can reflect someone's mental state. Lance's bedroom was his haven but his closet on the other hand... Well I think you get my drift.  
> Thank you so much for reading! I'll see you the next time I write something. Who knows when that will be.
> 
> Edit: Omg guys, thank you so much for the kudos and comments! They make my day every time I see someone leave one. I'm really slow at replying mainly because I'll get the email, read it, and then completely forget about it but I promise I'll get to you eventually. Thank you so much for the support! I love you all, have a good day (or night) lovelies!


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